Overcoming Self-Criticism: Understanding the Roots and Strategies for Change

As a psychologist, I often work with clients who struggle with self-criticism, feeling that they are not doing enough to please others. These feelings of inadequacy can stem from a variety of sources, including childhood experiences, cultural and societal expectations, and personal values and beliefs.

One common scenario is when a client feels they are not doing enough to please their parents, spouse, or friends. This can lead to a sense of guilt, shame, and anxiety, and can negatively impact their relationships and mental health.

From a psychological perspective, these feelings can be traced back to core beliefs about self-worth and the need for external validation. Clients may have developed a negative self-image from childhood experiences or cultural messages that emphasize the importance of achievement and meeting others' expectations.

To address these feelings, we work together to challenge these negative beliefs and reframe their thoughts in a more positive light. We also explore strategies for setting healthy boundaries, communicating effectively with loved ones, and developing self-compassion and self-care practices.

It's important to recognize that feelings of inadequacy are common and normal, but they don't have to define us. With the right tools and support, clients can learn to overcome self-criticism and lead a more fulfilling life.

References:

Blatt SJ, Quinlan DM, Chevron ES, McDonald C, Zuroff D. Dependency and self-criticism: psychological dimensions of depression. J Consult Clin Psychol. 1982;50(1):113-124.

Neff KD, Germer CK. A pilot study and randomized controlled trial of the mindful self-compassion program. J Clin Psychol. 2013;69(1):28-44.

Shahar B, Blatt SJ, Zuroff DC, Kuperminc GP. Measures of self-criticism, dependency, and care-seeking in adolescence. J Pers Assess. 2004;83(3):308-324.

When Couples Disagree on Having Kids: Understanding the Psychological Dynamics

Having a child is a significant decision that can have lifelong consequences. While some couples may agree on wanting children, others may find themselves in disagreement. The issue of having kids can cause significant conflict, leading to feelings of frustration, anger, and disappointment. As a psychologist, I have seen this issue arise frequently in my practice. In this blog post, I will explore the psychological dynamics of this issue and provide some guidance on how couples can navigate this complex topic.

The desire to have children is a complex psychological phenomenon that is influenced by a variety of factors, including biology, culture, and personal experiences. At the heart of this desire is often a deep-seated need for emotional connection, fulfillment, and purpose. However, the decision to have children is not always an easy one, and it can be challenging when one partner desires children while the other does not.

One reason for this disagreement could be differences in individual needs and expectations. For example, one partner may view having children as a natural step in their life path, while the other may have a different vision for their future. Another reason could be due to unresolved personal issues or fears, such as concerns over finances, the ability to parent effectively, or the impact on personal and professional goals.

It is essential for couples to explore these underlying issues and engage in open and honest communication about their individual desires and concerns. By understanding each other's perspectives, couples can work together to find a solution that is acceptable for both partners. For instance, couples may consider other ways to fulfill their desire for children, such as through adoption, fostering, or surrogacy.

However, it is crucial to acknowledge that the decision to have children is not one that can be easily compromised. Couples must consider the potential consequences of their decision and the impact it may have on their relationship. It is also essential to recognize that having children is a significant life change that requires significant planning, preparation, and commitment.

In conclusion, the decision to have children is a complex issue that requires careful consideration and communication between partners. As a psychologist, I encourage couples to engage in open and honest dialogue about their desires and concerns, and to seek professional guidance when needed. By exploring the psychological dynamics of this issue and understanding each other's perspectives, couples can find a way to make a decision that is acceptable for both partners and maintain a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

References:

Blanchflower, D. G., & Oswald, A. J. (2004). Money, sex, and happiness: An empirical study. Scandinavian Journal of Economics, 106(3), 393-415.

Grote, N. K., Bridge, J. A., Gavin, A. R., Melville, J. L., Iyengar, S., & Katon, W. J. (2010). A meta-analysis of depression during pregnancy and the risk of preterm birth, low birth weight, and intrauterine growth restriction. Archives of General Psychiatry, 67(10), 1012-1024.

Kalmijn, M., Liefbroer, A. C., & de Jong Gierveld, J. (2011). Couples' social networks and marital instability in the Netherlands. European Journal of Population, 27(4), 403-425.

Schoen, R., Astone, N. M., Kim, Y. J., Nathanson, C. A., & Fields, J. M. (1999). Do fertility intentions affect fertility behavior?. Journal of Marriage and Family, 61(3), 790-799.

Understanding Compersion: The Psychology of Finding Joy in Your Partner's Happiness

The term "compersion" was coined by the Kerista Commune, a communal-living group based in San Francisco in the 1970s. The term was later popularized within the polyamorous community. Compersion is a term used in polyamorous relationships to describe the feeling of happiness and joy that one partner experiences when their partner is involved in a romantic or sexual relationship with someone else. This term is often contrasted with jealousy, which is a common emotion experienced in monogamous relationships when a partner is involved with someone else.

From a psychological perspective, compersion can be understood as an example of positive emotional contagion, which occurs when the emotional state of one person spreads to another person, leading to a similar emotional state. The emotional contagion theory suggests that humans are wired to empathize with others and experience similar emotions as those around us. When we witness our partner experiencing joy and happiness, it can evoke similar positive emotions in us, leading to feelings of compersion.

Additionally, compersion can be seen as an example of the broaden-and-build theory of positive emotions. This theory suggests that positive emotions, such as joy and happiness, broaden our attention and cognitive processes, allowing us to think more creatively and flexibly. This cognitive flexibility can help us to build stronger and more resilient relationships, both with our partners and with others in our lives.

It is important to note that compersion is not necessarily a universal experience and may not be felt by everyone in polyamorous relationships. Some individuals may struggle with feelings of jealousy or insecurity when their partner is involved with someone else, and may need additional support and guidance to navigate these emotions in a healthy and productive way.

Overall, compersion is an interesting and complex emotional experience that can provide insight into the nature of human emotions and relationships. By understanding the psychological processes underlying compersion, we can develop a deeper appreciation for the range of emotions and experiences that can arise in romantic and sexual relationships.

References:

Bagozzi, R. P., Gopinath, M., & Nyer, P. U. (1999). The role of emotions in marketing. Journal of the Academy of Marketing Science, 27(2), 184-206.

Fredrickson, B. L. (2004). The broaden-and-build theory of positive emotions. Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society of London. Series B: Biological Sciences, 359(1449), 1367-1378.

Konrath, S., & Brown, S. L. (2013). The effects of giving on givers. In The Oxford handbook of prosocial behavior (pp. 248-262). Oxford University Press.

Sheff, E. (2015). The polyamorists next door: Inside multiple-partner relationships and families. Rowman & Littlefield Publishers.