Cultivating Genuine Self-Esteem: Moving Beyond Contingent Self-Worth

Self-esteem, a central concept in the field of psychology, has been the focus of extensive research and discussion. Two types of self-esteem are commonly distinguished: contingent self-esteem and genuine self-esteem. In this blog post, we will explore the differences between these two types of self-worth and offer strategies for cultivating genuine self-esteem.

Contingent vs. Genuine Self-Esteem

Contingent self-esteem refers to the type of self-worth that is based on external factors, such as achievements, social approval, or physical appearance (Kernis, 2003). When our self-esteem is contingent, it fluctuates depending on how well we perform in these areas or how much approval we receive from others. This type of self-esteem can be fragile, as it is vulnerable to external setbacks and criticism (Deci & Ryan, 1995).

Genuine self-esteem, on the other hand, is a more stable and enduring sense of self-worth that is based on one's inherent value as a person (Crocker & Park, 2004). This type of self-esteem is less dependent on external validation and more focused on internal qualities, such as personal values, character strengths, and self-acceptance. As a result, genuine self-esteem is more resilient to external challenges and better supports psychological well-being (Neff, 2011).

Developing Genuine Self-Esteem

Cultivate self-compassion

Kristin Neff (2011) argues that self-compassion is a crucial component of genuine self-esteem. It involves treating oneself with kindness, understanding, and forgiveness, even during difficult times or when we make mistakes. Practicing self-compassion can help us accept our imperfections and recognize our inherent worth as human beings, independent of external achievements or approval.

Develop self-awareness

Understanding our strengths, weaknesses, values, and motivations can help us build a solid foundation for genuine self-esteem. Reflecting on our experiences and engaging in practices such as journaling or mindfulness meditation can support the development of self-awareness (Brown & Ryan, 2003).

Set realistic and intrinsic goals

Setting goals that are based on our authentic interests and values, rather than seeking external validation or approval, can promote genuine self-esteem (Deci & Ryan, 2000). These intrinsic goals are more likely to be fulfilling and sustainable, as they reflect our true selves and desires.

Foster secure attachment

Research has shown that secure attachment, characterized by feelings of safety and trust in relationships, can support the development of genuine self-esteem (Mikulincer & Shaver, 2010). Building secure attachment involves cultivating open communication, empathy, and emotional attunement with oneself and others.

Engage in meaningful activities

Engaging in activities that align with our values and provide a sense of purpose can contribute to genuine self-esteem (Steger, 2009). This might involve volunteering, pursuing hobbies, or participating in community projects that reflect our interests and passions.

In a Nutshell

Developing genuine self-esteem involves focusing on internal qualities and values, rather than relying on external validation or achievements. By cultivating self-compassion, self-awareness, intrinsic goals, secure attachment, and meaningful activities, we can build a stable and enduring sense of self-worth that supports psychological well-being and resilience.

References

Brown, K. W., & Ryan, R. M. (2003). The benefits of being present: Mindfulness and its role in psychological well-being. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(4), 822–848.

Crocker, J., & Park, L. E. (2004). The costly pursuit of self-esteem. Psychological Bulletin, 130(3), 392–414.

Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (1995). Human autonomy: The basis for true self-esteem. In M. H. Kernis (Ed.), Efficacy, agency, and self-esteem (pp. 31–49). Springer.

Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (2000). The "what" and "why" of goal pursuits: Human needs and the self-determination of behavior. Psychological Inquiry, 11(4), 227–268.

Kernis, M. H. (2003). Toward a conceptualization of optimal self-esteem. Psychological Inquiry, 14(1), 1–26.

Mikulincer, M., & Shaver, P. R. (2010). Attachment in adulthood: Structure, dynamics, and change. Guilford Press.

Neff, K. D. (2011). Self-compassion, self-esteem, and well-being. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 5(1), 1–12.

Steger, M. F. (2009). Meaning in life. In S. J. Lopez & C. R. Snyder (Eds.), Oxford Handbook of Positive Psychology (2nd ed., pp. 679–687). Oxford University Press.